


let her in on your secret heart

by usoverlooked



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Background Relationships, F/F, Gen, Holidays, Minor Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Minor Monty Green/Nathan Miller, POV Female Character, Pining, Possibly Unrequited Love, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-10
Updated: 2015-08-10
Packaged: 2018-04-14 01:42:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4545348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/usoverlooked/pseuds/usoverlooked
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A few lucky people like Raven had nothing at all. Neither wrist – not her right, where the first words she heard should go, nor her left wrist where the last words she heard from her soulmate should go – had anything. The prevailing theory – and the one Raven subscribed to – was that it simply meant she had no soulmate. Which – it was fine. She was fine.</p><p>(or also, holidays with the Blake and Raven has a crush)</p>
            </blockquote>





	let her in on your secret heart

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from a Feist song, everyone in the fic is pan/bi.

“How much do you love me?” Octavia asks as she slams the door shut. Raven peers up at her, setting aside her laptop. Octavia holds up a magazine. “They have _proof_ that even unmarked people have soulmates.”

“Thank you O and the entire staff of the _National Enquirer_ ,” Raven says, though she has to grin at Octavia’s efforts. Octavia rolls her eyes, setting the magazine on the bookshelf. She kicks off her shoes and flops onto the couch next to Raven.

“Y’know, last week, tequila Raven said I was her favorite person,” she says, rolling so that her head settles in Raven’s lap. She grins up. “Tequila Raven never lies.”

“Tequila Raven also makes out with Finn Collins,” Raven points out. Octavia flicks her arm, though she made no further argument. There really was no argument to be made – it was a fact. Even with the break-up far in the rear view window, Raven got rather handsy with her ex when drunk. It was partially that the two were still friends and partially that she knew he wouldn’t reject her.

“You look mopey. Did something happen with the programming thingy?”

“You mean my job?” Raven gives Octavia her best withering look. Of course, growing up with Bellamy means Octavia is widely unparsed by it.

“I mean your most recent project. The thing for that fancy space company,” Octavia sits up suddenly, nearly knocking into Raven’s chin. Her hair flies, a piece of it sticking to her lip-gloss. “Oh my _god_ , are you going to space?”

Raven blinks at her, slightly distracted by the hair and the lip-gloss. Then, blinking, she laughs. “I’m not going to space.”

“Bummer,” Octavia says with a click of her tongue. She leans over to grab the remote from the coffee table. “Were you working on something or can I find some Masterchef?”

“Bell is gonna be pissed if we watch without him,” Raven reminds her. In response, Octavia drops the remote and stands.

“Fine, I’ll go jogging then. That means I’m expecting pasta for dinner.”

“Expect it all you want,” Raven says. Octavia laughs as she heads into her room to change. When her door shuts, Raven stares at it for a moment. If it were anyone else, she would purposefully order something other than pasta for dinner, but since it is Octavia, she just plans on it. It is Octavia after all.

 

Raven’s on the elevator, deleting emails from _Gap_ and _ThinkGeek_ newsletters when someone else blusters into the elevator. She only looks up because the girl – small, blonde, unfamiliar – is cursing up a blue streak as she goes. Raven raises an eyebrow at the girl in the mirrored door and the girl freezes.

“This is unprofessional,” she says. Raven smirks because maybe it is, but whatever. She’s wearing jeans and it’s not Friday, so she really has no room to talk.

The girl pulls her hair up into a ponytail, quiet suddenly. Quiet usually doesn’t bother Raven, but the blonde seems uncomfortable. Raven sighs, turns to the side of the girl’s head. She is carefully avoiding Raven’s gaze.

“My first day, I made a joke about running a red light or something and the CEO’s husband died in a car accident because someone ran a red light. So, as far as first days go, yours _can’t_ be that bad.”

The blonde turns, stares for a moment. Then she laughs, one sharp noise of a thing.

“It’s my fourth day,” she says as if that changes things. Then, “I’m the new CEO.”

“Oh,” Raven says. She remembers, vaguely the company email that went out about Abby’s daughter stepping up. Realization rushes over her. “Oh _shit_.”

“No worries,” the CEO says simply. She crinkles her nose a little when she smiles. “It can be your thing apparently, bringing up shitty stuff as an intro. I’m Clarke.”

“Raven,” Raven offers her hand to shake. When she does, she notices the bracelets covering Clarke’s wrists. Clarke must notice her looking because she gives a little nod.

“You went the more extreme route,” she says, motioning to Raven’s wrist. Raven doesn’t look at it, just shrugs.

“You could say that,” she says, resisting the age-old urge to tug her sleeves down. Clarke nods, fiddles with a watch on her left arm. Raven waits, deciding something. “Wanna get a drink?”

“God, yes,” Clarke exhales the words more than anything. “Lead the way.”

 

Harper is yelling at Jasper when they walk in. Octavia is standing on a chair to do, well, _something_. Finn is holding a beer and watching Octavia. Monty is knitting. Bellamy, Murphy and Miller are, perhaps thankfully, missing. All in all, Raven is feeling very much like she should have warned Clarke before they got here. She turns to say something to the blonde, but the girl looks absolutely joyed.

“Are you painting the ceiling?” Clarke asks as she walks up to Octavia. Octavia looks down, blinking at Clarke before sliding her look to Raven. Raven pretends to be very preoccupied with hanging her jacket on the hook.

“Cleaning it. I’m not much of a painter,” Raven hears Octavia respond. Clarke hums a noise in response. Octavia’s still looking at Raven when she turns around and Raven shrugs.

“Table-girl is Octavia. Harper’s behind the counter and makes the best whiskey sours in town. Finn’s over there, Monty’s knitting. Jasper’s somewhere,” Raven says. Harper jabs a thumb over her shoulder toward the bathroom in explanation to Jasper’s whereabouts. Raven nods. “Right, this is Clarke. She’s the new CEO at Griffin.”

“Boss lady,” Harper says, sounding appreciative. Clarke smiles, heads toward the bar. Raven hovers near Octavia.

“She’s cute,” Octavia says, off-hand. Raven makes a noise.

“The words don’t match for you,” she says, knowing Octavia’s full diatribe on not being involved with anyone serious unless they were hers. She flicks her friend’s leg. “Plus, I like her and she seems lonely, so don’t scare her off with the whole Blake eyebrow thing.”

In response, Octavia waggles both eyebrows. Raven laughs, walks over to Finn who is staring almost agog at the back of Clarke’s head. Before Raven can ask, he’s turning his wrist over and pointing. There in type-writer script reads _Are you painting the ceiling_. Raven blinks at it. She’d forgotten. Finn grins, laughs just a little laugh. Raven tries for a smile, but she can feel it fall flat.

“Well, go say hi,” she says. Finn looks like he’s going to argue. Probably say something to make her feel better, which is nice and all. Finn’s nice. Raven pushes him in the direction of the bar. “Go, you brat.”

As he settles onto the bar stool next to Clarke, Raven forces herself to calm down. She clenches her jaw, waits for it all to pass. It always passes. From atop the table, Octavia gives her a look. It’s the same look of concern she gives Raven when Raven tries to rewire their ceiling fan to go just a _little_ faster. Raven meets the look with a nod. She mouths _I’m fine_ at her roommate and Octavia accepts it, turning back to her work. It’s not quite a lie, Raven decides. She’s fine. She’s always fine.

 

Almost everyone who has known Raven for longer than a few years knows about her soulmate marks. Or rather, that she has none.  It isn’t entirely unheard of, but it is rare. More common are overlaps or misses. Like the boy, Atom, who had the first words he heard Octavia say (“Hey fuckface”, which was probably really fun for his parents) but she didn’t have his. Or people like Monty, who had “Nice” on his right wrist, which was nondescript enough that it was also frustrating. Of course, there were a few lucky people like Raven who had nothing at all. Neither wrist – not her right, where the first words she heard should go, nor her left wrist where the last words she heard from her soulmate should go – had anything. Early theories had explored the possibility that it meant their soulmate was deaf. Except, people begin having braille or sign language motions and that was debunked. The prevailing theory – and the one Raven subscribed to – was that it simply meant she had no soulmate. Which – it was fine. She was fine.

 

Two days later, Finn texts her to tell her that he’s going out with Clarke on Friday and thanks for introducing them. Raven resists throwing her phone across the room, but only just.

 

The upside is that Clarke is really pretty nice. She hasn’t really joined their group of ragtag misfits (“How did I end up with the god-damned Ringling Brother Circus as friends,” Bellamy has said, more than once.) But she grabs lunch with Raven when she can. That is, when she’s not running the damn company.

“It’s not that big of a deal,” Clarke says, ducking her head. Raven remains silent, letting the argument dissipate. If her CEO wants to pretend that being a CEO at 25 isn’t a big deal, then fine, whatever. Clarke stabs at her salad, then looks up suddenly. “Can I ask you something that might be inappropriate?”

“My favorite thing to be asked,” Raven quips. Clarke smiles, but it looks more nervous than happy. Raven tips her chair back to rest on all four corners. “Really, go for it.”

“Where, You don’t have to answer, but where did you get yours removed?” Clarke asks, touching her wrist. Raven freezes. Clarke blushes. “I know it’s weird to ask, but, I just. I want them gone.”

“Oh, I just,” Raven runs her tongue over her teeth, considering. “I never had it removed.”

Clarke blinks at her. Then, she must get it because she nods. “Okay. No worries, mine’s just already gone, so.”

“Really,” Raven can’t help the word spilling out. Clarke nods, reaches over and undoes the knot of bracelets around her right arm. They fall on the table and she holds it out. In pretty script, her wrist reads _That’s mine_. Raven looks up to Clarke after reading it a few times. Clarke pulls her bracelets back on. “I’ve already heard the other wrist too, so it’s done. I’m fine.”

“Finn knows,” Raven says, suddenly sure of it. Clarke chews her lip before nodding.

“He’s really nice about it, it just came up when we were, uh,” Clarke pauses. “You’re his ex?”

“Yup.”

“When we were baking then,” Clarke says, the lie obvious even as she bites back a smile. Raven snorts a laugh.

“He doesn’t care that much about it. He offered to marry me even without being his,” Raven admits. She leans in. “My first words to him were ‘bite me Shaggy Dog’. He used to have the worst hair growing up.”

Clarke laughs and it’s better. Maybe she shouldn’t, but Raven likes Clarke a little better for having lost her soulmate. It makes her seem a little more real. They stand and Clarke stands to go. Raven catches her, grabbing her in a hug.

“What – uh.”

“Shut up, Griffin,” Raven says as an answer. She can’t see Clarke but can practically feel the smile.

“Alright.”

 

Halloween is two weeks away, which means Octavia is about to become a nightmare. The Blake siblings, on the whole, are impressive. They’re both incredibly good-looking, incredibly aware of the fact, can hold their liquor nearly as well as Raven, and, perhaps most relevant, the two hold holidays in such high esteem it is almost frightening. Raven comes home from work to find Bellamy leaning halfway out the fire escape. He jerks inside when she shuts the door.

“You push her, I’ll say I didn’t see anything,” Raven says as she kicks off her shoes. Bellamy turns to look back out the fire escape. When he turns back, he’s rolling his eyes.

“She’s flipping you off, not because she heard what you said, but because she’s sure you said something,” he says, sounding extremely exasperated. Raven smiles at that, can’t help it.

“I hate it when she’s right.”

“Clearly,” Bellamy says, crossing his arms. “Now stop distracting her, she’s spray-painting my costume.”

“Bossy,” Raven says, more because that’s her general response to Bellamy than because she means it. She curls onto the couch. “She still making me a costume this year?”

“Of course. You’re a co-host of the party,” Bellamy says, sounding actually concerned.

It could be that he’s remembering the sophomore year incident. She had been living with the two of them, off-campus, which was a nightmare in itself. For Halloween, she had simply worn a witch’s hat and called it good, which was apparently a personal affront to both siblings. She would probably never hear the end of it.

“Thank god, I’d hate to look like a nerd at the Blake Halloween-ganza,” Raven says, giving Bellamy a look that expresses who exactly she knows the nerd is in this situation. He levels her with a serious look before flipping her off.

“My new partner’s coming this year and he said he might just go as a cop,” Bellamy says as he sits on the back of the couch. He leans against the wall. “Would he really do that to me?”

“Jesus, at the Police Ball, do they both to give you biggest mother hen every year or did they just go for the lifetime award already?”

“Shut up, Reyes, you know that policeman don’t have-“

He stops and she grins expectantly. He glares. “Shut up.”

“So close. And look, Miller’s screwing with you. He was at the bar and he asked for approval of the costume. He’s gonna be a bank robber.” Based off Bellamy’s look, she figures that’s only marginally better, but still. Octavia or Bellamy always had the costume that everyone talked about so there was really no point in everyone else putting in too much effort.

 

By the time Halloween swings around, Finn is texting Raven for advice on whether or not he should go to Australia – he’s apparently got some offer to study the Great Barrier Reef, but he’s got Clarke here. Finn was her friend long before he was anything else, so it is mostly okay. But there’s a line, and bless Finn, but he’s very unaware of it. Finally, Octavia takes her phone, calls Finn and yells at him. It’s a little harsh maybe, but Octavia’s never been a huge fan of Finn.

“Your costume’s in the bathroom by the way,” Octavia says, throwing Raven’s phone back onto the couch after she hangs up. Raven pulls her hair into a ponytail, walking towards the bathroom.

“You didn’t have to yell at him,” Raven says, one hand on the doorknob. Octavia’s pouring a rather frightening amount of vodka into the punch and shrugs. Raven pauses. “I don’t mind that you did though, not really. So thanks.”

“Don’t worry, Rae, I’ll yell at any of your exes if you want,” Octavia says without looking up. Raven smiles.

Her costume is an astronaut suit. She snorts a laugh. It’s an old joke between her and Octavia. Before she switched to mechanical engineering, her original major had been aeronautical engineering. Octavia spent most of their freshman year and part of their sophomore year absolutely sure that Raven was going to walk on Mars.

“If anyone could, it’d be you,” Octavia had said simply when Raven tried to explain the limits of current science. She’d said it with such assurance and faith that Raven hadn’t even been able to respond. She’d just frozen, stared at Octavia’s grin and felt, for the first time, how very much she was in trouble.

 

Octavia is still in her room getting ready when the first guests arrive. Clarke looks sweet in a princess costume, while Finn is dressed in a suit. When Raven raises her eyebrows, knowing full well the hell the Blakes will rain down on him, he shakes his head.

“I’m a _spy_ , I just didn’t bring a gun because I don’t want Bellamy to start going on and on about guns,” he says, sounding almost desperate. Next to him, Clarke laughs.

Octavia walks out and she’s – there’s a lot of skin. She’s Xena, Raven realizes after a moment. Based off Clarke’s vacant expression, it’s taking her a moment to catch up too and Raven’s grateful for that.

“I’m a spy, don’t kill me, Tavia,” Finn says. Octavia makes a face like she just might, but the doorbell rings and she settles on huffing a noise at him.

“I’m not the only one who thinks her scary glare is hot, right?” Clarke asks, and it sounds like it’s only about halfway a joke. Both Finn and Raven nod in agreement though.

“Oh, hey, that’s Blake Holiday Bingo,” Finn comments. He pulls out his phone and marks it down while Raven snorts.

“It’s this thing we stole from a tv show, kind of. Once you’ve been around O and Bellamy for long enough, you figure out that they get sort of particular around holidays. So we all make cards for it on this app and then if they do something that’s on your card you get to mark it. Murphy or Harper almost always win,” Raven explains. She pulls up the app. “See, Finn had down ‘hot angry Blake’ on his.”

Clarke’s face seems to make it clear that she’s still deciding if this is weird or not.

 

Murphy shows up as the Hulk, which basically means basketball shorts and green body paint (‘don’t sit, like, anywhere,” Raven tells him, earning a smirk that means he’s probably going to rub himself on the wall like a damn cat). Monty’s a cop, while Jasper shows up already drunk and dressed as Waldo. Harper comes with her roommate, Monroe. The two of them are both cats, which earns a slight glare from Octavia.

Octavia declares then that she’s tired of waiting for Bellamy, spins and turns on the music. Raven dances, with Harper, then Monty, then Murphy for two seconds before he winks at her and she disengages. She ends up on the couch next to Jasper. Jasper holds out a flask and she takes a long swig.

“Remember when even O admitted Maya had the best costume?”

“She was the Grim Reaper,” Raven says. Next to her, Jasper smiles.

“I tried to talk her out of it. I said it was too much. She held it over my head afterwards,” Jasper says. He takes a drink from the flask. “I always try to wear stuff that she wanted to do couple’s ones with. She would’ve been Carmen San Diego.”

“That would’ve been good. You two would’ve had this year’s best,” Raven says. She’s the only one who will go along with this for very long with Jasper. Everyone else thinks it is too maudlin. Next to her, Jasper points at Bellamy as he comes in with Miller on his tail.

“O finally made him the gladiator costume. She did really good this year,” he says, nodding at Raven’s costume as well. Raven nods in agreement, thinking more of the v-neck on Octavia’s costume than her own, but still. Bellamy weaves his way through the crowd, looking rather annoyed. Raven follows his path to find Clarke holding a huge cup, Bellamy’s favorite. He even named it, calling it a chalice.

“That’s mine,” Bellamy’s voice booms over the group as he grabs a chalice from Clarke. Clarke freezes, staring up at him. For a moment, all Raven can do is stare. She watches as Clarke’s hand goes to her wrist, rubs it. Bellamy smirks, oblivious. “Don’t pout, princess.”

“Jerk,” Clarke spits the word at him before pushing her way to Raven. Raven keeps her eyes on Bellamy, who is looking at Clarke with an expression that she can’t quite place. Clarke grabs her arm, pulling her up. “Can we get really drunk tonight?”

“That works for me.”

 

A while later – time is fuzzy at this point – Raven’s got Clarke’s head in her lap, carding through her hair absently. The rest of the party is slowing down, with only the Blakes and Bellamy’s partner Miller, and oddly enough Monty, Raven realizes as she looks over her shoulder at the group of them. Monty’s blushing, hovering near Miller. Good for Monty, she thinks. Good for Miller too. Miller has been Bellamy’s partner on the force for about ten months and he’s a rather stoic guy, but a nice enough guy.

“Is it possible?” Clarke asks, sounding miserable. Raven looks down at her. Clarke’s running one finger over the bar of the railing.

“Do you want it to be possible?”

“I ‘unno,” Clarke answers. She rolls onto her back. “Wells was supposed to be it. So, when he died, I just – I don’t know. I miss him still, but I miss other people too. Lexa, she was this girl I dated for a while, she said she didn’t believe in soulmate stuff. Except, then she met someone who had her words and she had their words.”

“Plus you don’t want to do that to Finn,” Raven adds. Clarke sighs.

“We broke up. He’s going to Australia. I’m sure he’ll find another ceilin’ painter there.”

“Oh,” Raven says, secretly glad he decided. Finn’s always been a little wishy-washy.

“He’s Octavia’s sister?” Clarke asks.

“Brother.”

“Yeah, okay, you knew what I meant.”

Raven smiles. “Yeah. Damn Blakes, y’know?”

“You can say that again,” Clarke says. “So, does Octavia know?”

Raven considers it. Considers lying about her feelings. But, she’s drunk and tired and it’s Clarke.

“Nope, no idea.”

“Sucks.”

“Nah,” Raven says, looking over her shoulder into the apartment. The back of their front door still has a poster for _Thelma & Louise_ with her and Octavia’s faces posted over it. “It’d be worse not to have her at all.”

 

Raven had tried that once –not having Octavia at all. It was before their junior year. Octavia was spending the summer abroad, helping children as part of her Spanish minor for the nursing program. Raven had avoided Skype like the plague until Octavia came home in August. All her effort had been washed away when Octavia showed up at the garage Raven was working in. Octavia was tan, a smattering of freckles new across her nose and shoulders, her hair newly short and a tattoo on her leg that surely gave Bellamy a heart attack. Octavia had yelled at her for avoiding her, then stormed back out, stomping along in combat boots even in hundred degree heat. Raven had stared up at the ceiling for a long time, convincing herself not to chance O down and just kiss the anger out of her.

Because – well, for a lot of reasons. But most importantly, Octavia had said (and said, and said, anytime someone asked) that she would only seriously date, only marry, only be _someone’s_ something, if they were her soulmate. She believed it in a hopeful way that should’ve pissed Raven off. Except, it was Octavia, and Octavia was insistent that all Raven’s lack of marks meant was that her soulmate had no marks either.

Along her right wrist, she had the words “May I?”. Her left wrist was “I love you”. Raven’s first words to her had been “I call the left side”, because the left side was closer to the window. She tried not to think about if she’d just pointed at it, asked “May I?” instead. But for all her trying, she thought of it often regardless.

 

As Raven cleans up the last of the fake cobwebs – some of which, she suspects might be real – Octavia finally finishes cleaning the bathroom. Apparently, decorating the bathroom was very necessary for holidays, a fact Raven had been woefully ignorant of before moving in with Octavia.

“Miller and Monty are soulmates,” Octavia informs her, grinning. Raven nods, smiles too.

“That’s good. I noticed they stayed until it was just us left.”

“And Clarke,” Octavia says, a funny note in her voice at that. When Raven looks at her, the girl just shrugs. “I’m happy for you.”

“Yeah, Clarke’s nice,” Raven says, careful with the words.

Octavia nods, moving to pick up the few cups left behind. Finn’s kicked them all of the habit of using Solo cups so they have an odd assortment of cups and mugs for parties. Only Murphy’s broken one. There’s also one – Maya’s – that gets a spot on the shelf above the coatrack, never to be used.

“You know I’m not dating her,” Raven says, slowly. Octavia shrugs, still picking up cups.

“Finn said they broke up. He’s actually going to go live out _Finding Nemo_ ,” she says. She’s still not looking at Raven, which is weird.

“I know. I don’t want to date Clarke,” Raven says. She leaves out the part where the person she actually wants to date is Octavia. Octavia looks up at that.

“Good. I like her and if someone dates more than two people in the group, things would go to shit,” Octavia says. There’s a tease of a grin at her lips. “And Bellamy definitely wants to date her.”

It’s close to a touchy subject. Bellamy tattooed over his marks the day he turned eighteen and he won’t really talk about them. But if that’s what it takes to get Octavia to smile, Raven runs with it, just a little.

“Just because we beat you guys at tippy cup?” Tippy cup is the only acceptable use of Solo cups as far as Finn is concerned, and everyone is largely of the opinion that it is because he is very good at it.

“Okay, that’s just factually incorrect, we all know that Miller was the weak link on our side,” she says, muttering something that sounds like ‘fucking Miller’ under her breath as she heads into the kitchen with the cups.

“Sore loser,” Raven calls after her, earning a shriek of indignation. She grins at the doorway for a minute before Octavia charges out, holding the spray nozzle from the sink.

“Don’t tempt me,” she says.

Raven tempts her.

 

By the time Thanksgiving rolls around, Finn books his ticket to Australia. He’s leaving the Tuesday after Thanksgiving. Monty and Miller are disgustingly happy. Clarke, though it is awkward the first couple times, has basically assimilated to the group.

It’s the Monday before Thanksgiving and they’ve gathered at Harper’s after closing to divvy up the food assignments. Miller offers to make pecan and apple pies – from scratch.

“Even the crust?” Jasper asks, sounding truly impressed. When Miller nods, Jasper leans around the table and kisses his cheek.

“Monty, suddenly I really get it, man,” he says, ruffling his friend’s hair as he leans back in his seat.

“Better watch out, M,” Harper puts in.

“Me?” Both Murphy and Monroe ask from the other end of the table. When Harper tries to explain, Jasper tugs Monty by his shirt and points at him. Miller is reaching around to grab his boyfriend when Octavia stands, demanding music.

Raven watches it all, amused as ever. Next to her, Bellamy rests his head on the table, narrowly avoiding the paper with assignments written. Thus far, only Miller and his pies has been written.

“This is like the fucking, I don’t know, the Ringling Brothers plan Thanksgiving,” Clarke says to Raven. The noise kind of stops then, too sudden for it to be a coincidence. Bellamy’s staring at Clarke like she might be a ghost.

“What, Ringling Brothers are not a rich thing, I am _not_ falling for that again, not after the apricots fiasco,” she says, looking nervous. Murphy laughs, a loud guffaw until Monroe elbows him.

“Nothing, let’s just – let’s keep going,” Bellamy says after a moment.

“Bellamy thinks we’re a circus too. He says it when he feels particularly mother hennish,” Octavia says, just before selecting a song on the jukebox. Raven watches Clarke turn and stare at the side of Bellamy’s face. She turns too, finds a blush fighting its way up the back of his neck. He’s steadily avoiding eye contact.

“Who wouldn’t say it, I think Harper’s two seconds away from doing gymnastics at all points,” Miller says finally. No one can really disagree – not only because he’s right but also because it’s Miller, and people generally don’t disagree with him.

“Mashed potatoes, anyone but Monroe after last year’s incident,” Bellamy says, finally.

“I like those potatoes,” Harper says. Everyone turns to look at her.

“Even _I_ didn’t like those potatoes,” Monroe points out next to her. Harper sighs, looking relieved.

“Good, then I’ll make those,” Finn volunteers. “I will also be making a vegetarian option for the turkey.”

As usual, that is met with a chorus of boos. The rest of the list divides up easily enough. Raven and Octavia are hosting, as usual, and thus only have to provide rolls.

“Do you think I could convince Clarke to name their first kid after me?” Octavia asks as she loops an arm through Raven’s. Raven looks at her quizzically. “Oh, Bell swore he wouldn’t name a kid after me so now I have to make sure one of his kids is named after me.”

“Of course. Yeah, you probably could,” Raven says. Octavia knocks their shoulders together.

“You look happy.”

Raven’s a little surprised by that. There’s nothing particularly good happening. She just is happy.

“I really am. Things at work are nice. Finn’s following his dreams and he’s my oldest friend so I’m happy for him, but also I don’t have to watch him fall in love with someone. Your brother and Clarke are driving each other crazy. It’s all good.”

“Plus, me,” Octavia says, breaking away from Raven to give a little twirl. Raven smiles.

“Always you,” she says. The words come out a little too earnest, she thinks, but Octavia misses it. Octavia’s ended up in that awkward sidestep thing with a very tall man. O steps left, but he steps and ends up still in her way. They do it about twice before he points to his left.

“May I?” He asks. And just like that Raven feels her stomach drop.

 

His name is Lincoln. He’s nice. Octavia invites him out for coffee, right that second because it’s Octavia and boys do things like that for her. While she’s grabbing her purse from her room, Lincoln attempts small talk with Raven. She’s knows she isn’t being very receptive, which is rude, but. The way things look, she’ll have the rest of time to be nice to him. Octavia will marry him - Raven can already see it. He’s got kind eyes and a tattoo on his bicep. He’s perfect for her.

“I’ll be back,” Octavia says, leaning in to hug Raven. She squeezes Raven in excitement and Raven tries very hard to look excited for her. Lincoln looks at her, something in his expression making Raven feel caught. She shuffles back to the couch after they leave.

Raven finds _The Mummy_ and watches it. If she cries a little in the middle, it is definitely because she’s worried about Brendan Fraiser.

 

Raven successfully avoids Octavia for the next couple days. She explains it to Clarke over lunch and Clarke helps. She goes over to Monty’s to help him with the salad the night before Thanksgiving. It gets late enough that he offers to let her crash and so she does.

“You’ll have to leave early though, you know how Tavia and Bellamy are about dressing nice for Thanksgiving,” he says as she curls on his couch. She nods. Monty covers her with a blanket, squeezes her shoulder. “It’ll be okay, Raven. She’ll figure it out.”

Raven turns her head to look up at him and he smiles.

“Miller figured it out, not me. Don’t worry, he’s not telling anyone,” Monty says.

“Monty? Would you choose anybody over Miller?”

“Like someone who didn’t match the mark?” Monty asks. Raven nods. Monty considers it, rapping his knuckles against the doorway for a moment. “Not sure. I think that I would want to be with Miller even if he wasn’t my soulmate though, if that helps.”

Raven’s not sure if it helps or not, but she thanks him regardless.

 

The next morning, she slips out early, when she knows both Monty and Octavia will still be asleep. She heads straight for the shower, hurrying through it and her make-up. Ducking into her room, she waits. Chances are Octavia won’t disturb her – there had been an _incident_ with a guy she was hooking up with after Finn and since then Octavia usually avoided Raven’s room unless the door was open.

It works and Raven shimmies into her dress about ten minutes before people are supposed to arrive. She heads out to the living room.

“Well, I guess you’re still alive,” Octavia says. She’s leaning against the doorway to her room. Her dress is new and a deep blue that looks too good on her.

“I texted you,” Raven says, but it is a weak defense at best. Octavia clenches her jaw, which means she’s really annoyed. Raven blows out a breath of air. “Look, I figured you’d be busy with _Lincoln_ so you wouldn’t want me around.”

“You – well, if you’d stayed around, you’d known that his didn’t match me,” Octavia says. “Besides, I think he’d be better as a friend. He’s too nice.”

“Well, the search continues,” Raven says, letting the argument drop. She even manages to make it sound hopeful. Octavia stares at her, a weird look on her face. Then she just nods.

“If I didn’t find them, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad,” Octavia says. Raven smiles, unsure if she should rally O’s spirits or not. Before she can give it much thought, Bellamy’s pushing the door open and yelling about the turkey he’s carrying.

Monty and Miller follow him in, with Murphy behind them. Between the four of them, they have about half the meal provided. Bellamy always makes the turkey, just the same as Monty always makes three different vegetable dishes – kimchi, green beans, and atachara, which Bellamy always hogs. Miller making the pies is new, as is Murphy’s contribution of a small ham and stuffing. Normally, Murphy doesn’t deign to make anything. Raven is more than a little cautious about his food.

It takes only a few minutes for the rest of the group to arrive. Jasper shows up with Harper and Monroe, sweet potatoes casserole and cranberry sauce in hand. Clarke shows up just after them, with a few bottles of drinks – earning a cheer from Octavia. Raven grins at the sight. Finn’s last, with his little vegan-turkey thing that no one else will eat, save Monroe who always takes a small portion out of guilt.

“Where are the rolls?” Bellamy yells from the kitchen. Octavia leans around the doorway, giving Raven a panicked look. Raven holds her arms up in a shrug when Bellamy also looks to her for an answer.

“I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed,” Bellamy says. Murphy cheers from behind him.

“Dad speech, I’ve got Blake Holiday Bingo,” he yells, holding up his phone where the all have had playing cards set up for years.

“That was hardly a speech,” Jasper tries to argue and Harper begins to agree. Murphy picks up the argument, with Finn jumping in to examine the bingo to check the legitimacy of the others. Raven watches it, the four of them arguing while Monroe helps Bellamy set the table. She knows Clarke’s fixing drinks with Miller and Monty, she can hear them debating the proper time to start playing Christmas music. Octavia sidles up to her, knocking her shoulder against hers.

“Bellamy’s pouting about the rolls. No disappearing on me again, I need you to defend us from him,” she says. Raven snorts a laugh.

“If I have to,” Raven says, grinning. Octavia bumps her shoulder again, then mutters a curse under her breath as Harper smacks Jasper on the nose mid-motion and his nose starts pouring blood.

Despite the blood, Jasper cheers. “Hey, bloodshed, I’ve got Blake Holiday Bingo! This is the best Thanksgiving ever.”

As Octavia laughs into her shoulder, Raven can’t argue with that.

 

Despite promising Octavia that she’d be around more, Raven finds herself busy for most of the early part of December. Everyone wants to get projects finished before Christmas and Raven’s stuck pulling long hours. She’s knee-deep in reading through the schematics for the newest creation of Wick’s – which means the paper is just about _bleeding_ red ink.

“Hey.” The smack of hands on her desk makes Raven jerk up. Octavia looks entirely too proud of herself for it and Raven has to remind herself not to kiss the look off of her.

“Okay, I think the heart attack’s over, what do you need?” Raven says. Octavia rolls her eyes.

“Bell and I are busting you out. It’s the twelfth and we’re going to look at Christmas lights. He has cocoa and I’m sure we can find those weird pecan things you love on the way,” Octavia taps on the desk excitedly as she talks. It’s an old habit, one she generally stopped when she finished nursing school.

“Give me five minutes,” Raven says. Octavia groans, flops across the desk. Raven brushes her hair off the paper and continues reading. It only really takes her a minute before she decides to call it good, even if that means she’ll have to rework the last page of Wick’s work again when he resubmits it.

She looks up to tell Octavia that she’s done. Octavia’s staring at her, a small smile on her face.

“You look so happy when you work,” Octavia says, voice soft. She’s looking at Raven the same way she looked at the butterflies in the Memorial Garden that they visited on spring break their sophomore year. Raven smiles at her, feels like those butterflies might have migrated right into her gut.

“This is going to be lukewarm cocoa if you two don’t hustle,” Bellamy’s voice breaks them both out of – well, whatever it is, Raven’s not sure. He’s in the doorway, looking the same level of murderous that he always does when Octavia forces him to a Starbucks.

He’s morally opposed to chain coffee shops, so obviously those are the only ones Octavia will frequent.

Octavia rolls off the desk and Raven stands. When Raven rounds the desk, Octavia jumps onto her back, laughing.

“I love Christmas,” she sing-songs, when Raven obliges her and carries her to the elevator. Most piggyback attempts are met with Raven throwing her off, but, well. It’s Christmas.

 

Raven always forgets that while the group of them spend most holidays together, some of their families get custody for Christmas. Monroe always goes to spend the day with her brother’s family – her nieces love Monroe’s dog and she lets them braid her hair. Harper usually ends up going to her dad’s and coming back just before New Year’s. This will be the first year without Finn, who Skypes excitedly about his Australian adventures on a weekly basis.

“We always go to Hawaii. Wells wanted to go there, but never got to do it. So his dad spread his ashes there,” Clarke says. She then stabs her spoon into her yogurt with excessive force. Wells, Raven knows, is the man that Clarke loved, her dead soulmate. Raven also knows that Clarke doesn’t like to talk about it, so she doesn’t comment on it.

“Maybe we could do a dinner then. Plus, Monty and Miller are going to Miller’s folks’ place, so it might be our last chance to get everybody together,” Raven agrees. She points her fork at Clarke. “You want to talk to Bellamy or should I?”

Clarke makes a face.

“You know that just makes me want to make you do it,” Raven says. Clarke sighs.

“He’s just – I mean, I know you love him. But he’s so weird around me,” Clarke groans. “It doesn’t help that we agree on most things and he wants to argue me into the ground on everything else.”

“He tattooed over his marks,” Raven says. “So I don’t know what they say. But I do know what a crush looks like.”

Clarke smiles a little, a tiny thing. She shrugs.

“Besides, I’ve seen you two argue, it’s basically mutual piggy-tail pulling,” Raven concludes. She stands, having finished her lunch. “But, if you want, I’ll get O to convince him.”

“Has he ever said no to her?”

“Yes, he’s said it repeatedly. The real question is, has she ever listened?”

 

They end up having everyone back to Octavia and Raven’s apartment again on the twenty-first. Instead of dinner, they end up just having a party. Raven’s hanging the last of the Christmas lights – the last of twenty strands – when Octavia walks out of her room and hangs something over the doorway between the kitchen and living room. Mistletoe, Raven realizes belatedly.

“That’s trouble,” Raven comments as she plugs in the lights. With the combination of Octavia’s Christmas spirit and Raven’s electrical know-how, the room looks incredible. They have two trees – which Raven thinks is excessive, but she learned long ago not to argue on that.

“Chicken,” Octavia calls from the kitchen.

When she emerges with their punch bowl, Raven has to grin at the sweater Octavia has. It has a reindeer on it and it lasts to mid-thigh. Octavia gestures at it proudly.

“I love you,” Raven says. She’s said it before. Except this time it comes out a little too earnest. Octavia blinks at her, smiles.

“I love you,” she says. She fiddles with the sleeve of her sweater. “I mean, look – I was thinking about your mark. I just nodded.”

“What?”

“When we met. You said you called the left side and I just nodded. That’s not – it isn’t saying anything.”

“Oc-“

“No, look, I know you think you don’t have a soulmate, but I think you do. I think it’s me, even if the words don’t match for me. You’re –if I could pick, I would pick you.”

Raven just stares at her. She’s about twenty-percent sure she’s going to wake up any second now. Instead, Octavia just shakes her head.

“Or not, I mean-“

“You should,” Raven says finally. She smiles. “You should pick me.”

Octavia grins that Disney princess grin. She crosses the room in two strides and before Raven can even think about it much, Octavia’s kissing her.

Ten minutes later, the door’s opening and Octavia’s diving to pull her reindeer sweater from the ground. Clarke is kind enough to point out, between laughs, that they’re lucky it wasn’t Bellamy.

 

The party is in full swing within minutes and if anyone notices, no one says anything. Finally, Octavia groans.

“Does no one care that Raven and I are in love?” She practically shouts the words. That may be courtesy of her second glass of punch.  Bellamy starts to argue that he does care, but Murphy flaps a hand at him.

“Wait, haven’t you guys been together since the beginning of time?” Murphy asks.

“No.”

“I just confessed my love, like, twenty minutes ago,” Octavia says over Raven’s answer. Raven smiles. Octavia smiles back.

“Raven and Octavia get together, that’s Blake Holiday Bingo,” Clarke shrieks. She holds her phone up. Jasper reaches to inspect it, as he always does even if it isn’t a winning point, like this one.

“If her and Bell get stuck under the mistletoe, I win Blake Holiday Bingo,” Raven tells Octavia. Octavia laughs, tipping her head back.

“I can make it happen,” she assure Raven. Raven grins as Octavia moves toward her brother. Over her shoulder, she calls to Raven, “how much do you love me?”

“So much,” Raven answers.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Nothing will convince me that Bellamy didn't go nuts for holidays to make them special for Octavia and nothing will convince me that they're anything but super obnoxious about it. I would love feedback so leave me any thoughts you have!  
> Feel free to come talk to me on tumblr @masonjo!


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